May 06, 2016- The Day My World Stood Still

It's 4:00 am. Everybody else is asleep in the household. If it was a Christmas story the phrase, "not a creature was stirring not even a mouse." Would be a perfectly placed sentence. 

And yet for some reason I was startled a wake. It almost felt like my heart received a hug and I uttered one simple name, "John." 

I lulled myself back to sleep for a few hours longer since sleep just doesn't happen these days. I put on my favorite pair of leggings and a large California Roots hoodie and headed to my parents house. It was a Friday close to the end of the school year so I knew how I could get away with my outfit. I just wanted to feel comfy that day. Each morning we gather at my parents house to do the baby swap, They keep the 2 youngest and I take the oldest with me to school. It was like any other morning. Slightly over cast and the weather was so nice. Then, the phone's started ringing. I remember looking at Mom as she took the call. I remember her uttering in disbelief "John died last night?" I remember my world crashing to the floor and I along with it. No matter how loud I screamed his name, he wouldn't answer. John was gone.

Anna my oldest sister was in town since his youngest daughter Jennifer was going to be sealed that night for time and all eternity to her eternal sweetheart. Talk about about timing that we sure didn't understand. I will revisit this timing as my journey continues in a later post, 

I'm not entirely sure what happened from the time we found out about John and when we all headed over to his home to see him one last time. I know loved ones where contacted, my oldest Son still went to school since he didn't know exactly what was going on. I just didn't want to leave John's side. Here's an excerpt from the post I shared on FB that morning:

"I am so very heartbroken today. Today one of my very first best friends passed away. I saw two ladies running by and I was so upset with them! I wanted them to stop and grieve too. Don't they know that one of the greatest lives the world has ever known passed away?! Please hug your loved ones. Tell them you love them. You never know the last time you will see them again.

Johnny, thank you for being my Evensteven and an amazing big brother. I love you so much! I am so grateful for the atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ, that he overcame death and because of Him, I will see my big brother again. Aloha Oe. — with John Krutsch."

It was crazy to see the outpouring of support from friends and relatives alike and so very very hard to come to terms (I still haven't)that my best friend was gone, in Heaven. And now what do we do? I'm so grateful for all the friends and family who just kept sharing the importance that it is going to take sometime.  But I didn't realize that time wsn't something I realized I had much of.

It was only a matter of hours until the symptoms started...